hello, i decided to use tumblr for my personal blog instead. I really like the tumblr app!!! It is v user-friendly don't follow it because it's really weird if someone follows my personal tumblr blog and my private life posts appear in their timeline!!!!
Sunday, December 1, 2013

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Thank you God for the beautiful mornings you bring, the warm Sun that reminds me of Your love, for lifting me up when I am down, for providing for me always, and for loving me unconditionally, even though I fail you day after day. 

Two things that I really need to blog about: My birthday this year and graduation!
Sunday, November 17, 2013

Just a little self reminder
There is some good in this world, and it is worth fighting for.
 —J.R.R. Tolkien
Monday, November 11, 2013

A perfect prayer for the season

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Deuteronomy 31:6
Saturday, September 14, 2013

Life and death
It has been an exhausting week for me because my grandfather passed away and my family had to be at the 5-day funeral everyday. Ahgong passed away last Sunday morning (around midnight) so we had to rush to the wake in the morning. My parents didn't wake Rui and me up because they wanted us to get more sleep. So... when I woke up the next morning, my mum came in and told us "Ah gong passed away during midnight... Get dressed" (in chinese). I was half shocked because we all knew this was coming... He was a strong man because he managed to live beyond the doctors' expectations... He lived more than 4 months longer than the doctors had predicted.

His death made me think a lot about life/and death. About a week before he passed away, my dad was talking to my mum in the car and I overhead their conversation. He was telling my mum how sad it was to see ahgong placed on a ventilator, getting the oxygen he needed but unable to move or speak much. I knew my uncles, including my dad, were trying to do all they could to prolong my grandfather's life. Looking at him breathing so hard on the hospital bed was not the hardest part for me. It was when he said he wanted to go home which broke my heart the most. If you know what it means, maybe you'll get how I'm feeling right now.

I'm starting to wonder whether being alive but having your quality of life severely damaged because of conditions such as breathlessness is worth it. You're barely alive. Having difficulties doing the simplest thing one can do- to breathe. And I wouldn't want to imagine having to face the dilemma that my dad and his siblings faced- Keep this life going? Or let it go?

A lot of friends asked me, "Were you very close to him?" In all honesty, no, I've never been close to him in these 16 years of my life. But I don't think that's a valid enough reason to not feel for someone who has given me a life. I'm naturally an emotional person so... I can't deny that this has been a great deal for me even though I've never felt a bond with him before he got diagnosed with cancer. I wouldn't try to challenge myself and ask myself "WHY ARE YOU FEELING SO SAD, JINGWEN?" and come up with stupid reasons like "he didn't make much of an impact in your life anyway" just to try to make myself feel better. I don't need to have clear reasons as to why I'm feeling sad. This time I won't try to seek ways to feel happy again. If I'm sad, I just am. I know happier days will come some day :) I'm still positive but I guess I can be positive yet sad at the same time. (i hope this makes sense)

And something relevant that was shared to us by Mrs Soh during LA:

(from the book "One Man's View of the World" by Lee Kuan Yew)

Life is better than death. But death comes eventually to everyone. It is something which many in their prime may prefer not to think about. But at 89, I see no point in avoiding the question. What concerns me is: How do I go? Will the end come swiftly, with a stroke in one of the coronary arteries? Or will it be a stroke in the mind that lays me out in bed for months, semi-comatose? Of the two, I prefer the quick one.

Some time back, I had an Advanced Medical Directive (AMD) done which says that if I have to be fed by a tube, and it is unlikely that I would ever be able to recover and walk about, my doctors are to remove the tube and allow me to make a quick exit. I had it signed by a lawyer friend and a doctor.

If you do not sign one, they do everything possible to prevent the inevitable. I have seen this in so many cases. My brother-in-law on my wife’s side, Yong Nyuk Lin, had a tube. He was at home, and his wife was lying in bed, also in a poor shape. His mind was becoming blank. He is dead now. But they kept him going for a few years. What is the point of that? Quite often, the doctors and relatives of the patient believe they should keep life going. I do not agree. There is an end to everything and I want mine to come as quickly and painlessly as possible, not with me incapacitated, half in coma in bed and with a tube going into my nostrils and down to my stomach. In such cases, one is little more than a body.
Saturday, September 7, 2013

Hello little pirate
Having a real bad flu today probably because of air conditioning :( I'm such a weakling omg I can't stand myself!!! But at least the study session with xinyu was productive!! plus lunch @ BaliThai made everything worth it!

I hate having a flu because I don't seem to have the energy to do any work at all :( I hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I really don't want to miss church!

Yesterday, I saw a little boy with an eye patch playing on the rope jungle gym in choa chu kang park. I called him "Little pirate!" and he smiled so I guess he liked that name. Later on he told me "It's painful" and he carried on climbing to the peak. The other kids asked him "Is that an eye injury or are you trying to play pirate?"  "It's an injury" But he still kept his smile intact. When he climbed to the peak for the 10th time, he exclaimed "HELLO it's my 10th time up here!!!" After that he climbed all the way down and up again and shouted "It's my 11th time!!!! I can see everyone from up here!" 

And he was genuinely happy about it.

Reminded me of how beautiful some simple things in life are and how much we take them for granted.

It's pretty amazing.
Saturday, August 31, 2013

Haven't updated in awhile because I didn't have the time to. I don't know where to start so this will be a really random post. (I will be typing whatever that comes to mind)

So we had cross country last Friday and it was my second cross country so far!!! We went to Vanessa's house before that to play cards and we were almost late for the cross country run. Hahaha I ran the competitive run this year together w 5 other classmates. Rachel, yueqing and nat got a trophy for being top 20 but they didn't get a towel! And yueqing was actually running to get top 20 because she thought she would receive a towel and a trophy but in the end there wasn't any towel at all hahahahahahahahahha

After that my dad fetched me home and my family played squash and tennis! It was my first time playing squash and I really enjoyed the bonding time with my family. My dad is really good in ball games and I hope I have that special gene in me toooooooo!!!!!!!!! 

Sorry I'm really tired and hey it's 12am now!!!!! Thank God it's Friday! I wanted to update about other stuff too!!! Thank God for sym, jas and bella for making me feel so blessed on a saturday. Thank God for Pst Bill Wilson's life-changing sermon on Sunday. Thank God for oschool's street jazz class w Cherie, yuen teng and Hilary and also the heart-to-heart talk I had with Cherie afterwards. Thank God for my classmates who never fail to make my school day. Thank God for a wonderful deskie xinyu because she's hilarious and her laughter is damn contagious. Thank God for my sister for her total willingness to listen to me ranting (mostly about the same things). Thank God for Vanessa (church), sym, Cherie and my sis for the conversations about God. Thank God for a special friend whose name I'd prefer to keep confidential for always listening and being here for me, without expecting anything in return at all. You know who you are.

Anyway i have just started reading Conversations With God book one and I really love this book. This is one of the pages I really like

When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want), they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.

("Wrong", of course, is a relative term, meaning something measured against that which is "right" - whatever that is! It would be more accurate in your language to say "relationships fail- change- most often when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to their survival.")

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up", not what part of another you can capture and hold.

There can be only one purpose for relationships- and for all of life: to be and to decide who you really are.

It is very romantic to say that you were nothing until that special other come along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not.

Not wanting to "let you down," they try very hard to be and do these things until they cannot anymore. They can no longer complete your picture of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.

Finally, in order to save themselves (and the relationship), these special others begin to reclaim their real selves, acting more in accordance with who they really are. It is about this time that you say they've "really changed."

It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

Friday, August 30, 2013